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GOING OUT TO A DANCE CLUB, BUT NOT DANCING
Let me say something that I have been seeing througout this whole time when going dancing
on Salt Lake City. Before I do so though, let me just give you this example.
SOME GUY:
"You know what, I keep asking girls to dance, and they keep turning me down. Why do they come
to clubs"
SOME GIRL:
"Why aren't guys asking me to dance? I want to dance!"
What's really happening here? I mean is this ridiculous! We are all in a place where we
should ALL be dancing, the music is blasting and they are playing some good Salsas too. So
what's the deal then? Why is this happening?
I'll tell you what too... that this is happening too much in here, in fact is happening
too many times in very nice clubs and dance spots througout the whole Salsa Scene. Well, can
we improve upon this issue? Of course we can! And it's so simple too, you'll laugh when
you see what I mean.
Here are some suggestions. Specially for men, since they have the harder job. They have to
(usually, in most places) ask the girl to dance, and there is always that chance that she
might say "NO". So you have to understand that this can be a bit of a low-blow on the
fellas.
What's really obvious is what makes you think, "WELL... YEAH!" but in some cases, it is
good to re-phrase them for the people that didn't think of some of them. So for those people
that will like to better their chances on going to the dancefloor more often, here is
a bit of information.
GUYS Consider the following!
1. YOU HAVE TO BE POSSITIVE
Before anything, you must be possitive! This is major! It doesn't help when you look like
your whole life is a total disaster. Be possitive about life, and it will reflect on your
attitude and prescense overall. If you look like you are in a bad mood, or look like you
are about to have a breakdown, nobody is going to want to dance with you, nor your friends
will want to be close to you that night. Remember what you are there for, you are there
to have fun, so just chill, forget the rest of the world and all that has happened in your
day, just remember to have a good time. A smile does wonders! It will not just show
the people in the club that you are happy, but in fact it will start making you feel
good that day. When you are smiling and have a possitive attitude, people want to
be around you, they want the good feelings to rub on them. And by them wanting to be
near you, your attitide will also change, but remember all starts with you.
2. PRESENCE IS ETENTIAL
By this I don't mean that you need to look like a model or something like that. In fact,
most ladies (or so we believe) are looking for a guy that has it all, not just looks. Of course
it helps if you look good, but I've seen really good looking guys get turned down because
of the attitude or the way they present themselves to the ladies. Ladies love guys
that have the extra effort on detail, they notice the little things. For example your
facial hair, or your hair in general. I know that someguys like to shave their heads, and that's
good too because it looks good on them, but make sure you are well shaved and not have
spots of hair here and there. If you do have hair, make sure is well groomed, and if you
have facial hair make sure is correctly shaved in parts where it needs to be shaved,
and leave the parts that are suppose to have hair. Also you need to make sure your clothes
are well presented, I mean, girls don't want to dance with a raggidy ol bag of clothes do
they? Make sure they are well pressed, and also make sure your shoes are clean and if
they are shiny, hey better yet! You are dancing Salsa, so your footwork is very important
and people will be checking your feet. So the better your shoes look, the better you
will look in general. Remember that you can only do a first impression once, so when you
do, make sure you impress them with what you got.
3. BE NICE TO PEOPLE
Okay, this rule goes if you are dancing or just passing by. Always be nice to people, whenever
you are on dance floor or not. People respect someone who is nice, someone who greets them
nicely and remembers to say hello to them. You'll get more friends that way too. Now understand
cordial means friendly and sincere. It’s called manners. Most people know what manners are but
seldom use them. Employ
them and soon you will find that you too, are warmly greeted by others. Ironically, the
greetings will be coming from some of the very people who would say nothing to you
before. Is because you are nice to them, people will start liking you, even people who you
didn't know in the past. Always start your conversations with a good attitude and a good
hello, girls will notice that too and would love to dance with a guy that is nice.
4. THE LEAD IS IMPORTANT
The fact that you lead is very important. Men, it's only one of about four things that are
your task exclusively! True you get to be "in charge" of the dance. Along with being "in
charge" comes a full set of responsibilities. Ladies, please note! The lead is serious
business. But, in summary, leading is the leaders’ responsibility and following is
the followers’. Remember that the lead is TBC--Tender But Compelling; making crystal
clear your intent. Tailor it to the unique qualities of the lady with whom you are
dancing.
5. MAKE SURE SHE LOOKS GOOD
When you are dancing with her, make sure you are making her look good. Don't try something
too advanced nor do something too basic for her. Dance at her level, they love to dance
to what they are capable of, if not at least rise the bar a bit, but not too much. The
other ladies will see how you treat a woman on the floor. Every woman will project herself
into that dance. What's happening here is that you want to make sure other ladies will
recognize that dancing with you is a good experience, it's fun and it's something that
all girls would want to do it. Since you will be dancing with a
variety of women, there will be ample opportunity to "Show Your Stuff". Remember this
is partner dancing; lead and follow. You as lead, are the choreographer, outlining what
will be danced. SHE, not you, will be executing. It’s her show, not yours. She should
be the star of the show, don't try to outdance her. If she looks great doing something,
then try to do moves that will make her look good. If you are really good at making
her look awesome, the more popular you will get with the ladies.
6. YOU TOO DANCE AT YOUR LEVEL AND WHAT YOU KNOW
Alright, I hate it when guys ask me to dance and they are trying to do new stuff right on the
dancefloor. I went to the club to dance, not to be a testing doll. I went to have fun, not to
train and stress about new steps and combinations. It's funner for the ladies to dance with
someone that can give them a good time, someone that can have fun with them. Save the
experiments for dance class with people you know well enough to try new moves.
7. DANCE WITH THEM, NOT BY YOURSELF
Make the lady feel like you are dancing with them. Make sure you at least talk with them
when you are dancing with them, by that I don't mean tell them about your day. Compliment her
on the way they look when they dance, let her know what you like about her dancing. Don't be
lying either, women are not stupid, we can tell when you are making stuff up. Dance WITH her,
not for the spectators. Don’t put on a show for the audience. This is not a stage. You are
dancing with her, not putting on a performance. The point is to make dancing with you
special for her. If at all, showcase
her. Remember every woman in the room is watching. Their perspective is that the way you
dance with her is how you will dance with them. Make sure that women see dancing
with you will be wonderful. It is very important that you always say a nice Thank You at
the end of dancing with her, and always escort her off the floor, make them feel
appreciated.
8. DANCE WITH EVERYONE
Guys, you need to dance with beginner as well. You must do this not because is your obligation
but because you were once a begineer too, and in order for beginners to get better is always
good to dance with more experience dancers. Also, remember that ladies can become really good
dancers in a really short period of time, so you may want to dance with her, because later on,
she'll remember how nice you were and she will love to dance with you when she is also
an intermediate or advanced dancer. One thing that is more important on this, is that
you will not get passed by her friends or other people, they'll know you are not stuck up
or something like that. Additionally, remember that if you are to improve your "lead", dancing
with beginners who don’t respond well to the lead, forces
you to "do your best". Yes it's a challenge. Beginners demand more not less. Dance with the
beginners for an additional bonus. At no extra charge, you get to meet some really nice
people.
9. DANCE TO THE RHYTHM
This is very important. First, Last, and Always, you must maintain rhythm. It is not
optional. So get on rhythm, stay
on rhythm, and don’t ever (in your whole natural born life, or at least while on the dance
floor) go off rhythm. Ladies will immediately notice if you’re off and most likely will
resent having to change or go off rhythm with you. I know I hate it, so most ladies most likely
do hate it too. It's good to work on your rhythm and then your timing, because it feels good
to hit that accent of the music with a cool step, dip or drop.
10. SPACE YOURSELF
It's good to know where you are dancing in, where you are standing, and where you will be
moving next. Remember that this is social dancing and most likely there is going to be
other couples dancing right next to you. Hopefully they are as skilled and careful as
you. Paying attention to where you are and what moves you dance with the
lady. You need to be watchful to see who is coming your way, who is stopping, who is in the
middle of a dip, flip, trick, or turning so fast they can't control themselves. Why? Because
it is your job to take care of the lady. That's right, you need to make sure she is safe! Don’t
dance your lady into them. Protect her from the "moving
hazard". If you do it well, she’ll not even notice it. It simply becomes another element
in the lead. You soon begin to see space on the dance floor as a fluid asset to be used
in conjunction with the dance elements that you and your partner execute. You need to remember
that it is very important that you are not selfish, and you are willing to share the dancefloor
with other dancers. Even though sometimes the floor might be a tiny 8 x 8 with over 20 couples
doing crazy stunts.
11. BECOME PART OF THE MUSIC
You need to be inspired by the music, not overpowered by it. Tailor your dancing to
the music. Establish rhythm with your partner. Pay attention to how it starts, and
dance accordingly. You want to make sure you are one with the music. It's you, her and both
of you have become part of the music. And even thought the music is
starting to feel oh so good, don’t get so excited that you start whipping her around like
some rag doll. After all she’s your partner, not your puppet.
12. FINALLY RELAX AND HAVE FUN
Always and foremost, remember what you are there for, to have the best time of your life. Dancing
is a blessing an it should be one of the happiest and funnest things you do, so just relax and
have a blast. Dancing, with a few exceptions, does not pay the mortgage, car note, or the
rent, so don’t take it too seriously. If someone makes a mistake, or bumps into you both, don't
worry, still say Sorry even if it wasn't your fault, and keep enjoying the beauty of Salsa.
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